Who said that? – feeling invisible as you get older and what to do about it.

We hear so many women over 45 saying they have noticed that they appear to have become invisible, either at work, to the opposite sex or just in general life.  No need for Harry  Potter’s invisibility cloak, age has done the job for you!

Sometimes that suits us just fine as we don’t seek to gain a lot of attention from our actions. However the flip side of that is that it might make you feel under valued, unappreciated, sad or annoyed. Combine the invisibility affect with the mood swings that some women are affected by during perimenopause and you could end up literally in a hot mess.

So what’s a woman to do?

Challenge yourself: Change something. Take on a new and exciting challenge. If you’ve ever fancied trekking across the Andes on a llama, now’s the time to do it. Of course you don’t have to go to extremes. Simply changing the sorts of clothes you wear can be a challenge for some women.

Seek out attention, and not in a negative way by screaming, shouting and becoming a drama queen. Make an effort to strike up conversations with new people – you never know who you’re going to meet. Think up some new conversation openers that will lead to interesting and varied interactions.

Decide what you want and the best way to get noticed. Make a plan and go for it. If it all feels a bit uncomfortable or too much of a leap then taking small incremental steps will get you there – it may be a bit slower but if you get on the path and keep going you’ll get there.  If you remember the film Finding Nemo – just keep swimming.

Grow your confidence. Feeling invisible can lead to a lack of confidence and you owe it to yourself to build yours up. Start by adopting an assertive posture, stand up straight and smile. Think positive thoughts. Repeat affirmations to yourself out loud and regularly. Banish negative thoughts. Take notice of the thoughts you have and  whether they are negative or positive. When you think a negative thought, become aware of it and ask yourself how you could turn it into a plus.

Think of positive role models for older women. Many women in the public eye  have spoken recently about their menopause and how they have overcome and problems. Learn from them and ape their successes. Some of our favourites are Joanna Lumley and Helen Mirren.

Get support from like minded women and share how you overcome the challenge of being unseen. Our Facebook group is a great place to start. Feel free to join us there for support and a great place to share your triumphs and tribulations. Here’s the link

International Women’s Day 2019 campaign theme:

Talking about menopause and perimenopause on international women's day

Celebrate! Tomorrow, March 8th, is International Women’s Day and although this is a great theme for all ages and sexes, it is particularly important for peri/post/menopausal women. The lows of menopause are highlighted much more than the benefits, but there are definitely highs, even more so for the postmenopausal period ( talking of periods, saying good-bye to those is a huge bonus… ‘Hello white jeans!’

The number one secret to a healthy happy menopause is hormonal balance!’  We have stressed that many times in our newsletters to you.

But, that taken care of, the next most important thing is to embrace the fabulous opportunities that menopause brings.

It’s Freedom, Baby!  Freedom from debts to children, husbands, lovers, or the species. You can use your creativity, energy and power to plan your life with you as Numero Uno!

It’s time to re-think how you feel about yourself. Don’t assume because ‘you’re a woman of a certain age’ you have to conform to the norm. If you want to grow your hair long, wear shocking pink and get a tattoo, do it! Go through your wardrobe, and apart from discarding anything you haven’t worn for a year, or anything that makes you look like everyone’s favourite maiden aunt, ask yourself if you love it? If not, it’s off to the charity shop!

Now is the time to take up new hobbies; learn a language, do a Cordon Bleu cookery course, take up sky diving! The opportunities are endless, and it’s all about you and what you want and haven’t been able to do before.

And we’d love to hear from you! Let us know how you’re doing, what challenges you are tackling, and any triumphs you’ve had.

As the wonderful Dr Christiane Northrup says  “The good news is that the menopausal transition is an exciting developmental stage that changes you at the core level. It is designed to heal all the unhealed parts of you. That IS the wisdom of menopause.”

A-Z of menopause: A is for anxiety…

We were inspired by a recent blog to write a an A-Z of menopause – Thanks Simply Ceremonies. It’s such a wide ranging subject so there’s lots to learn. Keep coming back as we work our way through the alphabet. Let us know if there’s a subject you’d like us to tackle by emailing us at info@menopausematters.guru

A is for anxiety

One of the most common symptoms of the menopause is anxiety.  Worry, tension and fear have a really negative effect so it makes sense to reduce them as soon as possible.  If you have felt more anxious than usual try these 5 ways to alleviate it

1. Meditation – Calm your mind by developing a meditation habit. Select a quiet, comfortable place and meditate for a few minutes each day. You don’t need any special equipment, just a quiet space. Getting out in nature helps too. You can find plenty of meditation videos on You Tube. One we recommend is https://relaxlikeaboss.com/the-art-of-mindfulness/ We welcome feedback, so let us know what you think 🙂

2.  Take time out –  Where possible remove yourself from the situation which is making you anxious. Listen to music, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques.

3.  Diet – Choose foods to boost your mood. Foods rich in Vitamin B such as pork, chicken, leafy greens and citrus fruits. Omega 3 fatty acids (EPA and DHA) have been linked with uplifted and enhanced moods. Try salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines. Avoid caffeinated drinks and sugar. Avoid processed foods. All foods should be organic to avoid the interfering effects of added hormones and pesticides.

4. Exercise – Evidence shows a link between physical activity and mental wellbeing. Try introducing more exercise into your day and making it a habit. You don’t need to go to a gym to work out, having a good time dancing, a brisk walk or even taking the stairs instead of the lift are all just as effective.

5. Sleep – Make sure you get enough sleep. Tiredness exacerbates anxiety and you can cope with life much better if you aren’t feeling tired and grumpy. If you’re having trouble sleeping try our article on sleep How to get a good night’s sleep

Have you noticed yourself feeling more anxious since peri-menopause? What have you tried? Share your remedies with us in the comments section or on our Facebook page

6 ‘thanks’ you need to give this year – even if you’re not American

Our readers come from all over the world, but wherever you are, it’s unlikely that the American holiday  Thanksgiving has escaped your notice. So, we thought, in honour of our stateside readers, we’d remind you of 6 things to be thankful for in menopause.


1.      The biggie – no more periods! Hello white trousers! What a relief to not need to carry around a selection pack of tampons, sanitary towels and the like just in case of an unexpected bleed.

2.      Freedom from the risk of unwanted pregnancy. The end of periods means an end to fertility and you can look forward to years of fun, carefree sex without the need for contraception. Whats not to love? N.B. You should continue to use contraception if you have experienced any bleeding in the last 2 years if you are aged 50 or under, or in the last year if you are over 50.

3.      Fun. As your children grow up and become more independent there is no excuse not to make the most of the extra free time created and indulge yourself in those hobbies and interests which have taken a back seat for years. This is your time to shine. Make the most of it.

4.      Choice: Now there is more choice than ever about how to cope with your menopause symptoms. Not so long ago women had to put up with their symptoms with no help or guidance. We were solely reliant on those who had gone before and many women in their 50s or older seemed very old indeed.

5.      Increased confidence levels: How much more confident do you feel than when you were in your twenties? That’s right, lots of our friends have reached a stage where they are not constantly worried about what other people think about them. In fact we’ve reached an age where we realise that most people are so worried about what others are thinking of them that they don’t have time to think and be critical of others.

6.      Opportunity to make health giving changes and benefit from them in other areas. One of our simplest recommendations for a stress free menopause is to change your diet to organic, local food which is as close to it’s natural state as possible. This is great for hormone balance but means the foods you eat are more nutritious, taste better and their production does less harm to the environment.  Using organic, paraben free soaps, creams, cosmetics  and cleaning products will have similar effects.


What are you most thankful for? Remember gratitude doesn’t have to be saved for one day in November. You can enhance your mood by a daily gratitude practice. Before you go to bed each night, reflect on the day you’ve had and try and find at least three things, large or small to be thankful for.

How to upgrade your menopause mindset

Mindset is everything in menopause. We talk about ways to change yours

Since turning 50 I have obviously reached a new advertising demographic. I sometimes watch programmes that are aimed at a more mature audience and have noticed that the accompanying adverts are of a lot less cheery nature. Once you pass your half century it’s clear (from an advertiser’s standpoint) that you should be preparing for imminent demise, wetting your pants, and getting a bit more help to rise from your armchair. If I believed all the advertising I would be in a sorry way.

This simply does not correlate with most of the women we meet in our daily life. We are a vibrant, forward thinking and optimistic group of women who are not ready to give up just yet! By taking care of our minds and bodies we are showing that we still have loads more to offer. Combined with the freedom that menopause brings from child rearing, messy periods and the like, menopause and the years around it denote, freedom, wisdom, fun and excitement if only you have the mindset to make it so.

Your mind is an extremely powerful tool. The way you think impacts your actions and behaviour either positively or negatively.

Carol Dweck, a psychologist who has extensively researched mindset, has identified there are two main types, fixed and growth. A person with a fixed mindset believes that their lot is determined and they have to stick with the hand they have been dealt. A much healthier way, particularly in menopause health and wellness is the growth mindset which means you can change the way you think and act. You can change from negative to positive, from unhealthy to healthy. A growth mindset empowers you to seek out new ways to change your world and your experiences.

Ways to change your mindset to a positive one

Surround yourself with the right people. We tend to become an average of the people that we spend the most time with, so it makes sense that if you surround yourself with miserable moaners and energy vampires, you will eventually become one. No one in your whingey group want or needs to hear your positive outlook (unless of course they want to change themselves). Instead choose your friends and associates wisely. Stick with positive people who act in the way you want to act, feel how you want to feel and think in the way you find attractive and engaging. Did you know you can find all the right support and positive people in our Facebook group? Feel free to join us here

Change the language you use. Be mindful of the words you use in your daily life and switch the negative words and statements for positive.

Decide the mindset you need and work out the actions you need to take to change it. For example, if you want to be fit and healthy, you need to have the mindset ‘ I love nourishing my body with good food and exercising.’  Think and act as if you are already achieving a certain result which will  fool your brain and your body will follow. If you need a bit of help, think how a role model would act and follow accordingly.

Be thankful. Reflect daily on the good things in your life. You don’t have to wait until Thanksgiving Day (this year on the 22nd November) to show gratitude. Regularly practicing gratitude will give you a much more positive outlook on life. It doesn’t always have to be the big things. Being grateful for small things will have just as good an effect.

As Henry Ford famously said “If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t – You’re right.” So keep a check on your mindset and upgrade if necessary

Osteoporosis: the emperor has no clothes

Osteoporosis is not an inevitable part of aging. There are many natural wways you can reduce your risk of fractures and improve your bone health

What if everything your doctor told you about osteoporosis and osteopenia was wrong?

Until recently, most of the medical fraternity believed that the reason older people fell was because their bones had become brittle and fractured more readily. An article in the Journal of Internal Medicine titled, “Osteoporosis: the emperor has no clothes,” confirms that the primary cause of what are normally labeled “osteoporotic fractures” are falls due more to lifestyle factors and not osteoporosis, i.e. abnormally “porous” or low-density bones.

The new study pointed out three false notions that can be disputed:

    1. Mistaken diagnoses:  Most fracture patients have fallen, but actually do not have osteoporosis. A high likelihood of falling is an age-related decline in physical health.
    2. Ineffective screening: Current fracture risk predictions including bone densitometry and other prediction tools can’t identify a large proportion of patients who will sustain a fracture, whereas many of those with a high fracture risk score will not sustain one.
    3. Unproven and unsafe treatment: The evidence for the success of prescribing drugs to prevent hip and other fractures is mainly limited to women aged 65–80 years with osteoporosis, whereas the proof of hip fracture-prevention in women over 80 and in men at all ages is virtually non-existent. Plus many drugs for the treatment of osteoporosis have also been associated with increased risks and serious side effects.

“While bone drugs like Fosamax  (a bisphosphonate) may contribute to increased bone mineral density, they do not necessarily improve bone quality and strength. Very dense bone created by destroying osteoclasts (bone-degrading cells) may be far more brittle than less dense bone where there is healthy turnover of the osteoclasts and osteoblasts (bone-building cells). In fact, drugs like Fosamax are notorious for contributing to bone degeneration in the jawbone. Plus an extensive body of research indicates higher-than-normal bone density greatly increases the risk of breast cancer.”

The authors conclude: “Given all this, should ‘osteoporosis’ be added to a long list of diagnoses for which doing less, or even nothing, is better than our contemporary practice?”

Fortunately, there are natural alternatives!

Eating a balanced diet of organic, unprocessed foods, using a natural bio-identical form of the hormone *Progesterone, doing regular weight-bearing exercises plus practices like yoga, Pilates, tai chi, walking etc., can help reduce the risk of fracture, and increase bone mineral density and strength.

*At ‘Your Natural Menopause’ we recommend a natural, organic progesterone cream called Naturone, available from their  website  www.naturone.com

Menopause at Work and 9 Practical Steps You Can Take to Help Yourself

How to manage menopause at work

Managing menopause at work

Did you know there are over 3.5 million women aged over 50 in the workplace – and that’s just in Britain. The average age for a woman to go through menopause is 51 and in the United Kingdom we retire at 68. This means there are 17 years on average that women are menopausal and post menopausal at work. In fact one third of a woman’s working life.


The emotional and physical changes you experience during and after menopause may impact various aspects of your work. For example just like all other relationships,  the relationships you have with co-workers and bosses can change and maybe feel awkward. Your productivity may decrease as you experience the physical and psychological  symptoms and take time to adjust. In a recent survey, a quarter of women questioned said they had considered leaving working due to menopause symptoms, so it is a very real issue for women at work.


In previous years women have felt embarrassed about being menopausal and largely kept their symptoms and feelings private. Fortunately menopause is increasingly being recognised as a valid occupational health issue which is a great help to women where awareness exists. However there is still some way to go.  You need to take charge and make sure your working environment is one where you feel you want to stay.

How to manage your menopause at work

In addition to the lifestyle changes you can make to help with menopause symptoms, there are a few options open to you at work:


  1. Discuss your symptoms with your line manager or other sympathetic management and see if adjustments can be made to your working environment. It may help you to have a fan for hot flushes or flexibility in working hours.
  2. If your company is large enough, you may have an occupational health department who have already thought about how menopausal symptoms can be accommodated within the work place.
  3. Brain fog may affect your cognitive abilities at work (and home). Use technology to give you reminders and assistance where possible.
  4. Avoid hot flush triggers at important times e.g. before an important meeting by reducing caffeine and spicy food intake.
  5. Manage your diary around your symptoms where possible. For example if you can set the clock by your hot flushes avoid meetings and presentations at these times.
  6. Get help from your colleagues, especially the ones in the same boat as you. It really helps to have some friendly and upbeat mutual support around you.
  7. Lifestyle changes such as reducing your weight or giving up smoking will really help not just your menopause symptoms but health in general.
  8. Manage anxiety and mood swings using meditation and mindfulness. The 4-7-8 breathing technique will also help if you are feeling stressed and panicky. Breathe in through nose for 4, hold for 7, breathe out through mouth for 8. Repeat 4 times.
  9. If you feel your confidence waning due to menopause remember positive affirmations can be a great help. These are positive statements to get your mindset in the right direction. You need to repeat them regularly and out loud to yourself. We frequently  publish affirmations on our Instagram and Facebook profiles or you can make up your own.


Above all do not suffer in silence. There are plenty of things you can do to make your working and home life easier.




Learn how to love yourself in menopause

It's vital to love yourself, especially during menopause. Her's how to recognise you need more loving and what to do about it

As it’s almost Valentine’s Day and the world and his wife are thinking about love, it seemed an appropriate time to talk about loving yourself.  In the words of Whitney Houston ‘the greatest love is learning to love yourself.’ But how much do you love yourself? And how do you get to that blissful state.

Around menopause and peri-menopause it is more important than ever to love yourself. Your hormone levels are fluctuating and taking your moods with them. Feelings of self worth often get lost. It is easy to be hard on yourself when you are feeling angry and frustrated. The closest person to take your feelings out on is you, and we have seen lots of women do just that.  You need to find ways of increasing your love for yourself, and here we outline a few.

Learning to love yourself has great consequences and not just for you. You will feel amazing. Your relationships will improve and your life will start filling up with more of the things you want than the things you don’t.


How to love yourself more

The first step is to recognise that you need to practise how to love yourself more. You may be feeling put out and notice that others don’t treat you as well as you deserve. They will treat you with the respect you demand and if you don’t love yourself enough you won’t be demanding enough. Write down your feelings about yourself and the ways you are treated by others who are important to you. See if you notice any patterns. Are the thoughts you have predominantly negative, or the sort of thing you would never say about a friend?  You need to be your own best friend. Just as you would with any other friends you have, kindness and respect are vital.

positive affirmation I love and approve of myselfChange your thinking. Let go of negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Positive affirmations are a great way of doing that. An affirmation is a way of changing your thinking. The mind believes what it hears most. If you tell yourself out loud and regularly that you are worth it, you’ll notice that you start thinking that way.  An affirmation is a positive statement you repeat to yourself. You can make up your own or use the ones we post regularly on social media. We’re on Facebook and Instagram.

Make yourself and your wellbeing a priority. If you are constantly at the beck and call of others you will feel devalued. Additionally, you will not be able to help out for long, as you can only help others by looking after yourself first.

Do things you enjoy. Think proactively about the things you enjoy and plan them into your life. It’s easy to get into a rut of work, food, television and sleep. If you never feel you get time to read a book or do an activity you enjoy, plan it in advance. Write it in your diary if necessary. You are much more likely to do things you have planned for.

Reflect on the good things about yourself regularly. Try writing a few accomplishments and good statements about yourself every day. You will be amazed how many there are, and when you are feeling down you can read back and reinforce your positive self worth.

Which of these will you try first? Feel free to share in the comments section below.

Why you don’t need to be scared of menopause

Many women are scared of menopause. Here we discuss why it's perfectly normal and allay your fears

Menopause has been a time which women have feared for many years. Unlike men, women have a clear indicator that they are getting older. The menopause has traditionally been a taboo subject, often referred to as ‘the change’.

Women are worried and frightened by menopause as it represents a time of loss: loss of fertility, youth, bone density and full functioning. Not only that, it brings with it an array of seemingly unconnected symptoms; hot flushes, memory loss, decreased libido, sleep problems and mood swings to name but a few. Small wonder then that one of the major symptoms: anxiety, has women beating a path to the surgery door in search of a cure for these ills.

There is no doubting that menopause with all its symptoms can be uncomfortable and frightening for some women. Just as a girl getting  her first period  can be confused and overwhelmed by all the changes occurring, a perimenopausal woman is equally unsure what is going to happen next for her. However menopause is a completely natural and expected stage of life. What woman would really want to be able to bear children into her eighties? (Urghh No Thanks!)  It makes biological sense that women shouldn’t be able to reproduce until the end of her life as human children require a very long period of care before they can fend for themselves (it seems to be getting longer all the time).

Now that  the average life expectancy of a woman is in the mid 80s and beyond, and the average age they go through menopause is 51, women can be reasonably sure they have 30+ years of life post menopause. When you consider that, it makes complete sense to embrace the menopause as not just marking the end of your reproductive years but the threshold to a previously unexperienced freedom. It’s a time to make plans for the future, learn new skills and determine how you are going to enjoy the rest of your life unfettered by previous responsibilities (and worry-free in white trousers!) if that’s what you want to do.

Yes, some of the symptoms are uncomfortable but that doesn’t mean they should be medicalised. There are many ways to treat the effects of the menopause without resorting to the dreaded HRT with all its associated risks.

A positive outlook will help you enormously.  You should also pay attention to what goes into your body as food and drink and on it as powders, creams, detergents and the like. Avoidance of toxic substances and a healthy organic diet will also make a big difference.

As proponents of a natural menopause we recommend applying a natural source of progesterone which will reduce all the symptoms. but there are many natural ways you can treat your symptoms.

Horror stories from women who have already been through it don’t help. Just like childbirth, every woman’s experience is slightly different. Many women hardly notice when they are menopausal and you may be one of them. Above all, whatever your experience of menopause, you can rest assured that you don’t have to suffer in silence. Remember this is your time to be awesome!!

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P.S. Feeling hormonal? Why not download my free guide to hormone imbalances. Click Here
P.P.S. Any queries, ideas or if you would just like to say Hi, email me at  info@menopausematters.guru

How to look good and feel great during menopause


IT’S TIME to re-think how you feel about yourself. Don’t assume because ‘you’re a woman of a certain age’ you have to conform to the norm. If you want to grow your hair long, wear shocking pink and get a tattoo, do it! Go through your wardrobe, and apart from discarding anything you haven’t worn for a year, or anything that makes you look like everyones’ favourite maiden aunt, ask yourself if you love it? If not, it’s off to the charity shop! My yard stick is the Absolutely Fabulous actress Joanna Lumley, who’s the same age as I am. If I think it would look good on her, it’s good for me!
Also follow the incredible Marie Kondo who is a Japanese organising consultant and author. She has written four books on organising, which have collectively sold millions of copies. “If you haven’t communed with your socks lately, thanked your shoes for their hard work or bowed (at least mentally) to your home in appreciation, maybe it’s time to consider doing so.“It is very natural for me to say thank you to the goods that support us,” says Marie Kondo, whose method of lovingly connecting with belongings that “spark joy” and bidding a fond but firm farewell to the rest is popular in Japan and is now catching on elsewhere. Kondo’s book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organising, is an international bestseller.
So take a look at your home and  declutter, re-decorate, move furniture, paint walls, renovate,downsize.Now is also the time to take up new hobbies, learn a language, do a Cordon Bleu cookery course, take up sky diving! The sky’s the limit! It’s all about you, what you want and haven’t been able to do before.

P.S. Any queries, ideas or if you would just like to say Hi, email me at info@menopausematters.guru